Burp, then watch Tv on a Sunday. Starring Johnny Vegas

So I started out by watching some ITV in the hope id have something to, well complain about really. But I turned it on and was greeted by Harry Hills’ face on TV Burp (ITV1). A fantastic combination of slapstick, sketches, cleverly edited piece of TV that manages to always make me giggle. It’s bright, gaudy and well suited to its roll. If it was fronted by say Anne Widecombe (which could happen in this day and age) it wouldn’t be any where near as funny, though it would be a little bit funny as she tried to get the gags to work. You’d laugh at her embarrassment; maybe even wet yourself a little when she shouts fight, then laments the two fighting characters for a break down in moral standards.

Then along came Sunday and thought, why don’t I relax tonight and watch some telly. I turned on the TV and notice that E4 are running Without A Paddle once again for the umpteenth time this winter. Then I turned to BBC One to find the third offering of Zen. At first impressions it seemed good, making me wish I hadn’t missed the first two episodes. He traded flirtatious remarks in a battle of the sexes with a power dressing woman, drove in his car, then I got a bit confused. He partook in a homo-erotic battle of wits with the kidnap victims’ daughters’ husband before witnessing her brother storm out of discussions to save their father before meeting an old friend of the kidnap victims' daughters' husband who happened to be a fellow cop who wanted to bungle the investigation. Even reading that confuses me; it felt as if it was trying too hard to keep my interest. The plot seems to fit together too nicely though you can see some kind of twist hovering on the horizon which may be the shows appeal to those not dragged in by the books on which it is based. Rufus Sewell though looks like he has been chiselled out of some greasy pink granite and had cats eyes placed in the sockets, kind of like a Brit on a prolonged holiday in Italy (ironic that he should look like an italian); I liked him better with a beard in The Pillars Of The Earth (C4).

Next I chanced upon Benidorm, I suppose maybe it’s a bit like a series long modern day version of the Darling Buds Of May meets Coronation Street holiday episode, starring Johnny Vegas, and the blonde bird from Two Pints…(BBC2), along with a few other recognisable faces. After watching Johnny lose his rag with some old people, the blonde bird wound up a middle aged pervert, Johnny Vegas performed felatio on a teapot whilst a sleazy Spanish pool assistant looked on bemused and then some kind of weird moment where I thought Johnny Vegas was going to be labelled a peado which turned into a weird Benny Hill style chase scene where the afore mention Spaniard was chased round the pool by large RC hovercraft which was apparently ‘out of control’. If you hadn’t guessed Johnny Vegas seems to be the star of the show, though I feel it could ruin his career. When a man on a tall bike with long shins appeared I had to change channels, I couldn’t handle any more.

So now I find myself watching Jamie ‘Fishlips’ Oliver prattle on about fish (C4+1). Kind of like his school dinners but with fish. I actually liked it for a moment then listened to him and lost my temper, I forgot how annoying he can be sometimes. Just plain annoying. This was followed by Gordon Ramsey’s fish based program looking at the trade in shark fins, but by this time my brain wanted to shut down from too much confusion and fish just weren’t helping so I went down the pub with the firm intention, though i kind enjoyed myself, of giving it a while before I watch Sunday night TV again.

Disinterested?

This is my new blog where I will give critiques of a nature only I’m apparently capable of, I’m going to apologize in advance if anything I write now or in the future offends you but I can’t help how I feel sometimes after watching TV, especially some of the tosh they put out on air these days, if I see Louie Walsh dancing about being all showbiz or Piers Morgans’ smug, self satisfied, ‘I’ve just shat my nappy but I know my nanny will always be there to change it’ face I’ll blow a fuse and start lopping limbs off people in a night club in frustration, hoping to be locked away in a padded room with no visual stimulus for the rest of my life to SAVE my sanity.
However I’m addicted to TV, and I’m constantly watching television and then forgetting what I've just watched. I won’t lie, I watch a few episodes online or whole series on DVD, especially when I have missed a show that’s been on and would like to see what it was like. This was how I got into The Wire, an amazingly intricate piece of TV that has already had its praises sung enough in the media. Also The Walking Dead, another great piece of TV I’m not sure has even come out here in the UK yet but I found at a certain site online and was instantly hooked, I couldn’t stop watching.
This is where the problem with this kind of online viewing comes in, there’s only one answer for it, globalization of the TV industry. Now I’m anti globalisation, I think bringing back regional channels in the UK is a great idea, but to stop piracy of television and to a lesser degree film, all programs should come out in all countries at the same time, it would mean probably only three or maybe four major players in the industry, FOX and BBC are already there with massive world presences, CNN would probably deliver news and then lets say Dragon TV (I think its called that, ill Google it…yes it is called that, part of the Shanghai Media Group, so I guess it would be them) who take over the role of providing news and entertainment to the east but also the west. Murdoch would probably find some way to get in there somewhere though, sneaking in like some kind of weasel up the trousers of a smelly old man in your local pub.
This would provide a two way flow of entertainment between the east and the west with all other networks becoming independent producers (I pray HBO would take this route and continue making great television) but also it would destroy cultural identity I feel. The constant bombardment of television and surefire increase in the number of channels would produce yet ever more crap to make us bleed our brains out with, stuff like, well stuff like what I watched last night that I cant remember, which is my whole point, TV is unmemorable to a degree, occasionally the odd bit of light shines through, illuminating the way for others to follow. Come on you TV execs, pick up your heels and follow suite, don’t be lazy creating unmemorable drivel.
Next time maybe ill prattle on about how Kerry Katona shouldn’t be on our screens, ever, ever, again after the quote in the promo for her current show where she quips “Of course there’ll be more drama, I’ll be back, I’m Kerry Katona!” or more likely how ITV and its associated channels are turning into Heat Magazine but in a broadcast-able format.